I decided to part the post in four parts, each taboo as a representative of one of the archetypes of the goddess. As there are four in my tradition, I included the Lover as well.
So the post is build up like this
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MAIDEN
LOVER
MOTHER
CRONE
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Each taboo is tied strongly to the perception of womanhood and perpetuates toxic roles and keeps women and those who identify as women away from their inner strenght and wisdom. My pagan tradition is heavily focused on regaining self worth as a woman and actively against patriarchal sexist norms. This includes transwomen.
TW here, as periods are mentioned, which
could possibly trigger dysphoria in my fellow trans people, other possible trigger subjects: death, harassment
Natural cycles include cycles of reproduction and of course the human species is no exception to that. Finding my place in this big natural web is not something that is achieved in a few months, years or even decades.
I feel that especially under the influence of systemic opression a lot of healing can be done by untangling the taboos that surround femininity and female experiences.
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MAIDEN
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Taboo One - From Average Looks to Ugliness
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Youth and beauty are especially honored in our society. We are bombarded with female figures in media that present unachievable beauty standards. Not only do we try to follow those but as we get used to SEEING these images our brain learns that these beautiful people are the NORM. This is incredibly toxic.
Women are held to higher standards when it comes to looks and are judged in a much more restrictive and destructive way when they fail to achieve beauty by sexist standards (too fat, too thin, too pale, too dark, too slutty, too masculine). One brutal example of this is the harsh and even violent judgement of non-passing trans women. (which includes the threat to fragile masculinity as well, but that is another topic)
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First of all I want to say, that it is a involuntarily sexist take on the subject to say that all people are beautiful. Probably they are not. BUT, all people have worth! So being ugly doesnt mean you are less human and that you should be treated with less respect. Being average in looks doesnt take away from your worth as a human being! Not every woman needs to be beautiful. We are not here for consumption and to please the eye of people who want to look at us. Being who we are and not shaming our selves with internalized hatred is a taboo. Seeing a woman who is unapologetically herself while not being a standard beauty raises eyebrows. Fortunately awareness is raised and women tend to support each other nowadays rather than putting others down. But there is still a long way to go.
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Also I need to say that this is the image of society and of strangers judging us. As soon as we step into relationships this topic becomes less relevant imo. I'd say a lot of people take into account the personality of a person they want to be with. People I want to have relationships with don't fall in love with beauty, but see beauty in the people they love.
Taboo Two - Blood and Periods
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Another huge topic is the natural body of females and all that comes with it. Periods are a part of the female-bodied experience and cyclical in nature. Every month we experience ebbs and flows that are tied to our somatic hormonal levels. 28 days of the female cycle and 28 days of the moon cycle. Its not surprising that the female body was seen as a representative for the moons energies in pagan history. And it is regaining that connection to the moon in todays spiritual traditions again.
Another huge topic is the natural body of females and all that comes with it. Periods are a part of the female-bodied experience and cyclical in nature. Every month we experience ebbs and flows that are tied to our somatic hormonal levels. 28 days of the female cycle and 28 days of the moon cycle. Its not surprising that the female body was seen as a representative for the moons energies in pagan history. And it is regaining that connection to the moon in todays spiritual traditions again.
Everything surrounding periods is seen as icky, we want to hide it, we dont want to see it, to talk about it and we feel shame in the communication that surrounds it. Which person with a period has never hidden a pad and tried to move it from the bag to the pockets in the most sneaky way? That's only one example of how periods are treated as taboo, among numerous others, where, for example, women are not to be touched while bleeding, they are impure, and need to go through ceremonies of cleansing after they were on their period as well as the people who touched them or even sat on the same chairs as them.
Media tries to push an image onto us, where we are as functional during our moon time as we are in the rest of our cycle. Truth is, we are not. A lot of women experience pain, have the need to take a step back and turn inwards during this time. Society teaches us, we need to stay active, we need to play sports, we need to act well mooded. But, this is overstepping the inner needs that a lot of women feel. Im not saying that all women feel miserable during their periods. But enough women do. I see it as totally okay to listen to your own body and to your own needs during that time.
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In a pagan sense, the female cycle is tied to the moon cycle and the time of period is the time of the new moon. That time is magical, full of creative potential and mystery, the veils to the otherworld are thin. We experience every month, a little mini cycle of the year, where our period is Samhain. This is my experience and im not saying this is true for everyone, but as soon as I started to listen to my needs, as soon as I accepted, that these few days of the month are for ME and that i need to spiral back into my own cave, where I want to be left alone, to paint, to meditate... my pain was gone. I had to take pain killers every month since the age of 10, but as soon as I stopped trying to achieve the linear path of society, when my body clearly doesn't work that way, all the symptoms of PMS improved by a thousand percent.
When I say, pagans want to get back to the cycles of nature, THIS is a huge part of what that means. See the cycles that surround you and see how they influence you. Know yourself and act in a healing and healthy way by truly listening to nature, your body and your intuition.
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LOVER
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Taboo Three - Open Sexuality
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In every big religion there are taboos surrounding sexuality, one popular example is the need to stay a virgin till marriage.
Paganism as we know it today works actively to break up restricting norms of abrahamitic religions. Fertility and sexuality are honored as forces of life rather than sins that lead directly to the loss of your place in paradise. The inclusion of LGBTQ+ folks, the shift in the perception of gender and sex-positivity are topics that are parts of an open social discourse. These social movements influence paganism and this freedom is included into pagan religions. Of course they influence abrahamitic religions and secular people as well, but as many modern pagan religions are rather new, these ideas are tied more strictly into the theology itself rather than fighting against it.
My religion may be a not representative example, as I am aware that the topics of feminism are tied into the path that I walk, but I see the potential it has when we work through collective shadows as a society and as witches and pagans.
Taboos that needs to be addressed still are the constant struggle of women being shamed for wanting (a lot of) sex, wanting to have it with different partners or being in same sex relationships.
Slutshaming is still a huge part of our culture as well as the experience of harassment or worse and not being taken seriously when we speak up about it. Victim blaming is one of the most toxic and vial experiences a woman can make.
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How has this to do with paganism, you may ask?
Paganism as I live it and as my temple teaches it to women, men and everyone who identifies outside this spectrum is about self-empowerment and finding a voice of being authentic as the persons who we are. All these collective experiences shape us as human beings and they shape us as witches and as pagans. I am on my way of becoming a priestess of the goddess and in my role as that I work through my shadows and I work through shadows and taboos that society places upon me.
And society does a pretty damn good job in placing taboos on me as a sexual being, a pagan, as a woman and as a priestess.
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MOTHER
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Taboo Four - Anger and Self-Worth
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The angry woman, she is hysterical, emotional, loud, unpleasant, a threat to the peace. Showing anger is something that is not expected and therefore shunned in girls. If we add racism to it, we get the stereotypes of the angry black woman or the loud latina.
Mothers are expected to be calm, perfect, they have to know what they are doing all the time and every step is judged. The pressure to be a good mother is incredibly high.
This is toxic and can be seen in every race and in the majority of female experiences. It takes a lot to unlearn these patterns and to allow yourself righteous anger, even if others laugh at you, call you names or see you as less female. around the ages of 20-40 you begin to reflect on your upbringing, you see how your parents are human beings as well, formed by society. In these ages maybe people start to choose their own ways. And here it was when I started to see how my upbringing and my society formed me into a submissive woman who is not allowed to speak up.
Taboo Five - Motherhood or no Motherhood
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Same goes with reflection on filling the role of a mother. Do you even want to have children? The freedom of choice is highly restricted by social norms, by family expectations, by inner feelings of guilt and shame, when you don't fit the role of being a perfect mother or even a mother at all.
Again, paganism, stories of empowerment, narratives of warrior goddesses, narratives of anger and destruction, narratives of Goddesses that are not defined by their motherhood or relation to a male God, behavioral patterns that are true alternatives to the behavior I was taught, were incredibly healing.
In this time, there falls the decision to make it different in the upbringing of my children. To teach them freedom, to my daughters the right to be angry and to my sons the right to be sad and vulnerable. And o be aware, that becoming a mother is only one of many valid paths for a womans life.
Seeing these in examples, in stories, in myths is incredibly important.
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CRONE
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The Last Taboo - Death and Darkness
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This one is easily one of the biggest taboos in human societies nowadays.
It depends where you are from of course, but in my society (Germany), death is not seen in the public.
I have never seen a dead person in my life (well maybe once, but im not sure)
People who are dying are brought into specialized hospitals, the caring for terminally ill people is professionalized, death in and of itself is taken out of our daily experience.
And with death, aging is made a taboo. Aging has so many bad connotations, our society is obsessed with youth and health and elderly people are an annoyance rather than revered parts of society. This may have to do with the lack of support of families with ill people, but again, this is another discussion and it doesn't change the fact in and of itself.
Older women are seen as hags, as witches (in a bad way). Reclaiming these images and fill them with empowerment is one huge aspect of modern paganism and witchcraft.
This devaluation of death and old people and old women misses the deep wise and transformational aspect of death, dying and renewal.
Death is part of the cycle, as is life and birth.
By honoring the fullness of the human experience we as pagans and witches can start to honor our own cycles as a whole.
It comes all back to cycles and to seeing the oneness of nature, of humans. As above so below.
Of course death is THE biggest mystery in our lives. Every religion, every form of science tries to explain it and tries to give us methods to deal with it. It is the most painful experience when a loved one goes.
And so, death can be seen as the real threat, but then again, it holds a lot of figurative meaning. Death as in endings, in transformations. The potential of rebirth after the de(con)struction of ego is enormous. The healing that lies in the decent into the underworlds is most profound and can change a person for good. It is an initiatory experience and hard to put into words. Shamanic traditions know this as the initiation, where you experience being ripped apart in the otherworld, just to be reborn as a new being. A being that has seen death.
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THIS is entering the shadow. It is surrounded by fear, by the biggest fear known to humankind, the fear of dying. Dying, as in literal dying or as in the death of ego, of everything we know and hold as true or dear. And it is not for everybody. Not because I gatekeep, but because it takes a lot of commitment and surrender to walk through this and stay stable.
I put this post in this order to emphasize how it is a journey. It is a lifetime journey, one that never stops and one that needs to unfold in its own pace.
Working around taboos is synonymous to working inside the shadows. Truth lies at the edges of human experience. I see myself as priestess of the dark mother, so this is how I view shadow work and how I honor the work that points at naming and destroying taboos.
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